April 18

The photo is of Naron & Narow, my friend Dara's children, at bathtime. Aren't they the cutest? They call me "Mommya" which is a term of affectionate respect for an older woman. They love to feed me when I visit & they want me to live with them. I hope to live with them forever in God's heaven.

In August of 2009 I lay on the floor asking God to make me more loving, to make me love like He loves. Being in Cambodia is an answer to that request. At the risk of coming across cheesy or cheeky, may I remind you: Be careful what you pray for, you just might get it.

I'm learning to love those who cannot repay it. I'm learning to love those who cannot appreciate it. I'm learning to love those who refuse to receive it. I'm learning to love those who pervert it, those who take advantage of it, those who resent me for it. I'm learning to love those who do not even recognize it. I'm learning to love even when it hurts, hurts bad, hurts reeeeeally bad. I'm learning to continue to love when it's neglected, when it's rejected, when it rips my soul apart. In Cambodian english that kind of love is called "love big, big." Love big, big is hard, man. It's gotta' be God loving thru me, for even on my best days I am absolutely incapable of this kind of love.

Yeah, I'm learning to love like God loves. I cannot repay His love. By far, most of the time I do not appreciate it. Sometimes (probably more often than I realize) I refuse to receive it. I pervert it, take advantage of it & even resent it sometimes. I do not recognize the expressions of God's love toward me most of the time, to be sure.

My dear, dear friend Dara made me realize all this. Funny thing is, he didn't even know he was opening my eyes to this truth.

Dara is basically my partner here. He's with me wherever I go outside the teamhouse gate because he drives me there. (Jame is busy building his business.) He has experienced God's love thru our work & play & day to day dealings with one another & others. The other night the sum of our experiences utterly overwhelmed him. It was as tho' all our experiences converged upon his mind at once & it was just more than he could intellectually explain to himself.

While Dara, Bright (you remember my big little brother, eh?) & I were visiting one night, Dara cried for the first time since he was a baby. You recall only babies cry here. He said he was feeling helpless & hopeless & yet completely loved. He said he's never known such a big & true love before. Bright explained that the love he feels from me is the love of God to him thru me. He was just so overwhelmed he couldn't get his mind around it all at the moment.

It was sorta' sad to see a grown man weep as Dara did. I also felt very constrained seeing him so totally overwhelmed by love & not able to identify the Source. Yet, I was at the same time happy, happy to see, literally see, "the untamed love of God on the loose."

The few words Dara uttered in broken english that night were received with far greater understanding than even perfect language skills could've provided me. Between gasps & sobs Dara kept groaning, more to himself than Bright or me, "Ooooooh! I don't understand. Ooooooooh! I never know my heart like this. Oh, why? Oooooooh! No peoples ever love me so big, big, big. Why? Oh, I don't know." By the way, "big, big" is the term for the maximum size, but Dara kept saying, "big, big, big." That is definitely God's untamed love on the loose-bigger than the biggest. If we so-called christians really had a grasp on God's grace, we, too, would gasp & sob & confess we don't understand. We, too, would wonder in overwhelming awe, "Why so big, big, big?"

May you & I lay hold of that love big, big, big & pass it on to others.

"This is My commandment: that you love one another as I have loved you." ~Jesus Christ

On the Other Side

After that depressing last entry, I think some balance is in order. Altho' I've certainly had some incredibly heartbreaking experiences, I have had some wonderfully heartwarming experiences too. I'd like to give you a peek at that side of this trip as well.

Phaneth is an older boy who has something against foreigners &, much to his teacher's chagrin, has no interest in learning english. Unbeknownst to me, he spent an entire evening learning to speak clearly one sentence in english so he could tell me something. I was quite suspicious the following morning when he stepped virtually toe to toe with me & smiled real big as the other boys gathered around, for altho' Phaneth had been polite, he was definitely cool toward me. I was not at all prepared for the next moment tho'. Phaneth spoke, "Sees-TAH, I LOB yoooo." (Sister, I love you.)

Tou is a middle boy who has something against everyone & everyone knows it. Altho' he speaks english well, he never spoke to me (about me, yes, but not to me Hahahahahaha!). Every day I would touch him affectionately, albeit quickly, & whisper in his ear, "I love you." One day Tou rushed to the gate to meet me before the usual swarm of children could get to me. He lightly touched my arm & quietly said, "I love you." Astonished, I replied before thinking, "Really?" The biggest smile I've ever seen spread across his face as he looked me square in the eyes & matter-of-factly said, "Yes. Really." As he turned away I choked out, "I love you, Tou." Over his shoulder, still smiling, he said with confidence, "I know." By the way, that's a candid shot of Tou up there. Yeah, that's his usual relaxed-because-no-one-is-around expression.

A new little who was brought to us a few weeks ago. Other than crying, he hasn't made a sound. He stays away from all of us despite our best efforts to be friendly. He won't even voluntarily come near for rice! Yesterday while I was squatting to release another little I'd been holding as I walked from the gate to the house, the new boy approached & stood at my knees, head down. I slowly extended my hands toward him & he slowly stepped into my embrace. I whispered, "Up?" (The littles know this word very well as they love to be picked up.), he silently nodded. Once I was standing, he rested his head on my shoulder & wrapped his arms around my neck. We, & the rest of the household, stood silently, savoring this miraculous moment.

The love of Jesus is influencing lives here. It is softening & soothing hearts aching with resentment, loneliness & fear. These sweet & satisfying moments make the bitter & frightening moments bearable.

At a Glance

WARNING!! The following entry may be unsettling & is not suitable for little ones. It contains graphic description of violence & sexual perversion.

OK, so this is supposed to be about the children of LIA. I know people are most interested in them, but there's other stuff going on here I think you should know about too. Have a look at what I've seen, will ya'?

A young woman died in the street. People passed barely glancing at her. When the ambulance finally arrived, they realized she was dead & left. It's up to the family to discover, identify & move the body.

A homeless man whose eyes have been plucked from his head wanders the streets all day & into the night hoping someone will give him food.

A girl about 10 years old looks out the side of a tuk tuk with blank eyes as the half drunk, 50-something perv in a Hawaiin shirt rubs her knee & whispers who knows what filth in her ear.

Two teenaged boys knock the bloody stuffin' out of each other over an empty plastic bottle because the recyclables they sell for rice money are becoming scarce as more people move into their "career field" otherwise known as digging thru trash.

Old people squat in a garbage heap eating supper from trash bags hoping the darkness conceals their shame.

4 year-olds being tested for STDs.

All this going on every day & no one seems to notice. Perhaps that's the worst of what I've seen.
I won't overload you with what I've seen the other seven weeks I've been here. I figure this little glance gives you a pretty clear picture.

A quote from William Wilberforce reverberates in my head: "Having seen all this, you can choose to look away, but you can never say again, 'I did not know.'" True enough, I can never say again, "I did not know," but equally true I can (& do!) say, "I wish I didn't know." Not a day goes by that I don't wish I was back in Indiana with no knowledge of Cambodia. Not one day. But, I do know. And now, you know too. Please, keep praying.

School

I was invited to the parent-teacher conference at one of the schools some of my sibs attend. I was honored, the sibs were thrilled, & the teachers were, to my surprise, intimidated. I was quite shocked by the timidity of the teachers actually.

You should know that the teaching profession is just about the highest occupation one can hold here. Everyone with a teaching degree is given great respect & special honor. Of all the introductions I have received, only teachers have been presented as, "This is Mr. So-&-So. He's a teacher." Everyone else is simply introduced by name. It's a big deal.

I was taken aback when my sibs' teachers bowed low to me & didn't look me in the eye. I thought the first teacher I met was just shy. I tried to keep my head lower than his as we spoke, but he kept bending too, so by the time our conversation was finished our heads were nearly to our knees. Hahahahahaha! I soon discovered all the teachers were reluctant to speak freely. I spent nearly half my time assuring the teachers I wanted to know all the news, even the bad news.

I found out that they were trying to please me so because I'm very powerful & very wealthy. That is to say, I'm a white chick whose sibs' tuition fees make up about 1/3 of the school's budget. Hahahahaha! We've since become pretty friendly. The assistant principle phones me when there's trouble, most teachers look me in the face now & the guy who nearly had my head in my lap got the guts to tell me one of the brothers was misbehaving in class. I also visit the school regularly now.

I knew that the Cambodian education system is far behind every other industrialized country, but I didn't realize how far behind until I visited classes. Good grief! It's going to take Cambo a good while to get back up to speed. See, the Khmer Rouge killed teachers, grads, & university & highschool students. In fact, they killed people who wore glasses too thinking that a sign of intelligence. The goal was to limit the population to a docile, uneducated labor force &, sadly, they pretty much succeeded. This explains not only why the schools are so far behind (university grads compare to American 7th graders), but also why teaching is such a highly regarded profession. Not quite as high as being a rich, white chick, but we're headed in that direction, praise the Lord!

Oh PS, my darling brother David earned the highest country exam (think SAT's) score in all of Phnom Penh. He aced the thing in every area of testing. Yeah, I'm bustin' buttons. (big honkin' smile)

3/18/11

THANK GOD!
~My health remains pretty good despite unhealthy conditions!
~Meaningful relationships are being deepened!
~Every sib has sufficient clothing & hygiene items!
~Ruth is recovering well!

ASK GOD
~Please, never forget those precious souls who are caught up in stealing
~Increased volunteers & financial donors for charitable organizations
~Inner strength for me
~Time & skill in making a video for you alll

Birthday surprises

This year's birthday, my 45th by the way, included more surprises than any previous year. First of all, I was a little surprised that Jesus would have me back in Cambodia at this time. Secondly, I was more than a little surprised anyone outside of the U.S. would take notice. Thirdly, I was totally got by the generosity of people whom I know have nothing materially to give. I know they have nothing because all they have comes thru me.

I was terribly excited to celebrate my birthday by surprising my sibs & the housemoms with little gifts. I told Wee the lead housemom at the girls' house of my plan to bring gifts that afternoon so she could be prepared for the happy chaos that was certain to follow my arrival. I made sure to tell her it was to be a surprise & made sure she understood perfectly what "surprise" means & entails (eg don't tell the children). As trustworthy & true as Wee has proved to be, she blew it....sorta'.

Wee not only told my sibs at the girls' house, but she told the other housemoms as well. I was greeted with an adorably pathetic rendition of The Birthday Song (Happy Birthday is not as international as Americans imagine) & thoughtful gifts. Lovely colored pencil drawings, beautiful oragami flowers & hearts & homemade cards with precious blessings written inside were from the children. The housemoms gave me homemade birthday blessing cards & even pinched from their meager salaries to buy me gifts! In a culture where people stop crying by the time they're 3 or 4 years old, it was hard for the children to understand "happy tears." They finally chalked it up to Bong Bkey's strangely tender heart. Hahahahahaha!

Wee did not tell the children that I was bringing gifts tho', so the surprise was not totally lost. Altho' all the small treats were thoroughly appreciated & enjoyed, the best far & away was the lovely brown dolls my dear friend Diana Hester purchased for me to give the little girls (An impossible feat in Cambodia & a nearly impossible feat even in the States!). EVERYONE-littles, middles, olders, girls, boys, housemoms-were utterly amazed to see brown-skinned dolls for the first time in their lives. On TV, on billboards & in ads as well as in real life little girls are seen playing with geisha-white, blonde-haired, blue-eyed dolls. (Thanks a million times a million, Di!!!)

Several days later I received a goodie box from my husband Dave. I knew it was coming, but was surprised to discover it contained WONDERFUL birthday cards & gifts from loving friends. I was on the way back from the post office, anxious to get to the house to open it up, when the moto I was riding started having brake trouble. We pulled into a service station....well, it's kind of a service station, but the description & explanation is a whole 'nother entry. Aaaaanyway, we stopped for repair. I was too excited to wait any longer, so opened the box there. As usual, a small crowd gathered. Hahahahaha! Again, Dara my friend the moto driver had to try to explain happy tears & ended up telling them I have a strange heart. Hahahaha!

The final surprise was just the other evening & it was the biggest, bestest birthday surprise EH-ver. Because the boys are moving to a new place, only the big boys were home at the boys' house that night. They'd worked very, very hard that day to make the move, so I treated them to Lucky Burgers for supper (Well, also because their housemom had taken all the food & the stove to the new place. Hahaha!). After enjoying the HUGE treat of fast food, a few ran off with Dara saying they were going to get dessert. I was in a panic & more than half angry because they were not supposed to leave the house & they were certainly not to disobey me when I told them they couldn't go. So, there I sat with a housemom who speaks no english & a few brothers who refused to tell me what was really going on trying to figure out how I could explain the situation to Ruth.

Dara & the boys returned with a birthday cake & all the trimmings for a real birthday party. They had this planned for days & pitched in their money to make it happen. After a few more happy tears & lots of hugs & kisses I blew out the candles making a wish. Then, it snowed! The boys pulled out cans of refreshingly chilly faux snow & covered me & the entire scene with it. Next came the sparkler-waving & another precious, pathetic shot at The Birthday Song. (God, bless them for trying...loudly & without any shame whatsoever!) We ate & drank & danced & hugged & kissed the night away.

One housemom, a new lady from the countryside named Narette, stayed the night with the big boys. She got to experience her first birthday party. She wasn't sure what was going on when the boys started the party (aka "make happy, happy") , but eventually joined in when the time came to dot my face with frosting & feed me cake. No, I have no idea what that's about other than whoever gets a cake gets to wear one portion & gets fed another portion as a sign of "big love" & everyone's happy about it. Hahahahaha! I did ask, but I got the standard answer: "In Cambodia, like that."

What a great birthday this has been! Whoda' guessed in Cambodia like that? That in itself is a surprise.

We've Got Class

We've been able to restart preschool courses again! The littles L-O-V-E coming to the team house, the place I live, to play & learn. Here they learn some english & typical preschool stuff like letters, numbers, colors, etc. They are also given opportunity to develop social skills such as cooperation, taking turns, sharing & classroom etiquette to prepare them for public school. Pictured here are the littles who attend preschool, my special assistant (more on her in another entry) & Wee, a housemom.

If not for Love In Action-Cambodia these children would most likely spend their days in rice paddies as forced labor, begging & stealing on the streets of Phnom Penh either for themselves or an adult, or locked up in the rooms of kiddie-brothels. They are with us because their parents could not feed them but refused to sell them, because they were orphaned, or because they were abandoned.

It's quite common to see little ones sleeping in alleys, eating from trash bags & begging tourists. They often fall prey to adults in human trafficking & sex slavery & to perverted tourists. The going rate to purchase children is USD $20-100. To "rent" a child 3-8 years old generally costs $8 per day, $5 per day if you have your own room.

Even those living with their families are in danger of kidnapping & rape. There's not much to deter those perverts either. The penalty for raping a child is generally USD $100-200 "restitution" paid to the child's parents. Rapists who cannot afford the fine simply murder their victims after raping them so no charges can be brought against them. In many of the villages outside city limits parents prostitute their children to other villagers. One father bragged that his 12 year-old daughter could make upwards of $10 per week for the family.

Many parents put their children to work as early as 4 or 5 years old. Some sell books, postcards, site seeing maps, braided or beaded bracelets, or pirate DVDs in the tourist-y section of Phnom Penh. Some are trash pickers. Some beg or steal, or beg to create an opportunity to steal. I've met more than one child under 10 years old who are regularly abused (cigarette burns, black eyes, broken bones, etc.) by parents for not bringing in sufficient profit. I've also met a few children who've been kicked out of their homes because they cannot make satisfactory profit for their parents.

In our western world the option for preschool is a given even for the poorest of children, but we have to remember that "our world" is not the world.

2/14/11

Thanks to a couple of generous donors I was able to bring some nice embroidery floss for the older girls to make some bracelets. I will be mailing or bringing the bracelets to the States to sell & the money will be donated to missionaries in Kyrgyzstan. How cool is that?

It's important that the children realize their world is not the world. Know what I mean? It's easy to get wrapped in the details of daily living & lose sight of the fact that there are people living & dying elsewhere. It's easy to get caught in personal needs & desires & neglect the needs of others. It's easy to get trapped in a me-centered lifestyle & totally miss out on a full life, real life.

Yes, they're poor orphans who have a hard way to go, but, hey, we all have challenges to overcome. Too much focus on self produces blindness. Like Kieth Green used to sing, "It's so hard to see when my eyes are on me." Yeah? We can only keep a proper perspective of our own lives as we keep the lives of others in view as well.

I am tickled pink to report that the girls are very interested in what's going on in Kyrgyzstan & what my friends, Jed & Renee Gourley, are doing there. They are thrilled to know that they are participating in the work. I, too, am thrilled.

Special Notes

2/14/11

PRAYER REQUESTS
~Please keep praying for those dear-to-Jesus souls who snatched my stuff last time I was here. You are most likely the only person praying for them today!

~The border battle is increasing in violence. Please pray for true peace to come to that area & for the mediation meetings with the UN.

~I need a boost as I am more homesick (especially for husband Dave) than I've ever been & it's a drain on my enthusiasm for the work.

About LIA - Cambodia

Discipleship has always been God's plan for spreading knowledge of Himself thru'out the world. Exodus 18 outlines the plan beautifully. Moses' father-in-law Jethro points out that God's intention is not a one-man gig, that as pastor of Israel Moses is wearing out himself & the people by trying to handle the whole group on his own. He advises Moses to make more of his time available to pray for the people by training & supervising some reliable folks to train & supervise other folks to train & supervise folks. He advised Mo to teach them God's way of thinking & to show them how to live & carry out their work accordingly.

Later, in keeping with God's plan, Jesus did the same thing. He trained His disciples as Moses trained the elders of Israel (that is, trained trainers). Later still, that's what Jesus' diciples-turned-apostles did. They served as supervisors who devoted themselves to prayer & Bible study after they appointed some trained folks to the work. Paul an after-the-fact apostle of Jesus Christ did the same. Much of the New Testament is made up of his supervisory letters in which he says stuff like, "Remember when I taught you..." & "Remember when I was with you I showed you..."

We're doing the same here. Love In Action Training Centre is all about discipleship. Orphaned & at-risk children are housed, fed, educated, churched & discipled. [Yes, there's a HUGE difference between being churched & being discipled. Duh. One results in people warming pews for conscience's sake & the other results people setting the world ablaze for Christ.] The goal is to raise a generation of trained trainers to saturate their country with the knowledge of God. I serve LIA's residents, my sibs, as a trainer, a discipler. I invest myself in teaching them God's way of thinking & in showing them how that way plays out in everyday living by giving them as many opportunities as possible to practice what I preach. I encourage them as Paul encouraged Timothy: "Follow me as I follow Christ."

While I've been away from my sibs, I've sent epistles (read: supervisory emails) to encourage the older sibs to live up to what they already know & to keep passing on their knowledge in practical ways to our younger sibs. And, I've spent much more time in prayer for them too.

Some of the sibs are already beginning to train others thru participation in leading Sunday school classes, youth services & charity projects. It is in this way above all other ways that the Kingdom of Cambodia (& the rest of the world) will be changed for the better.

2/7/11

IMPORTANT NOTICE!
A few people have asked about mail. The postal system of Cambodia is quite different from the U.S. system, so my husband Dave is handling all mailing responsibilities. If you'd like something sent, please contact him as he will be mailing soon.

THANK GOD FOR:
The incredible sacrifice God made to have relationship with us
The great honor of being welcomed into His life, His purpose & His plans
His great power to perfectly protect & preserve His people for His purpose
His provision for every little (& big) thing He plans & the astounding ways He provides
The encouragement & advice offered thru Serving As Senders by Neal Pirolo

I ALSO THANK GOD FOR YOU:
Stanley family for the financial contribution
Kate Fields & Jane Truax for the Cambodia display
Mr. D. Tails for enthusiastic & diligent work on the prayer video
Layton & Sharon Sparks for faithful prayer help & the financial contribution
Grapevine dancers for the farewell party & financial contribution
Robyn Henderson for the Romans prayer & financial contribution
Rodenbeck family for the embroidery floss
Linda Graham for faithful prayer help, encouraging words from the Word & the financial contribution
Lori Prosser for the Thessalonians prayer
Storers, Straders, Marilyn Lashley, Kevin Prosser & Graysons for financial contributions
Drew Kos for encouraging words & for getting me to the airport across iced roads
All those praying for me & the work here in Cambodia
David Roe, my favorite & most dearly loved person "in the hulkin' tire world," for loving God more than he loves me or himself

Ready as I can be

I've just about tied up all the loose ends here. Just have to do my part in helping to prepare a project here, see the doctor (he wants to put disease in my perfectly healthy body, aka booster shots), put my clothes in the box I plan to take, show up for a prayer meeting, which should be easy because it's here at the house, & find a ride to the aiprort.

I've spent time with everyone who's had time to spend with me. I've made arrangements for my responsibilities here to be taken care of. I've gathered up all that goes with me. I've shored up some important ties with friends so we'll be able to stay connected while we're apart. I've confirmed my travel plans with everyone who needs confirmation. And, I have & continue to pray my heart out.

Funny thing is as much as I & others have done to prepare for this trip, I know that I cannot be totally ready. Who but God can know what will happen in Cambodia, or on the way to Cambodia, or here before I even head for Cambodia? Looking over past trips I realize a lot happened that I did not expect (not the least of which was my husband's heart failure!) & a few things I thought would happen never came to be. It is humanly impossible to be fully prepared for the future. My only hope is to trust Jesus. Whatever comes, He is prepared & has made provision for me.

I like knowing that I've done all I can do, that I am actively participating in God's plan. I also like knowing that all I can do is not all that needs doing, that God is actively participating too. It is this relationship that makes everything worth doing.

1/20/11
I THANK GOD FOR YOU:
Isaac Roe for moving in with Dad while I'm away!
Kelly O. Stanley for making & managing the blog!
Di Hester for those beautiful, brown babydolls & kindy supplies!
Rhonda Rogers for the financial donation!
The Sillerys for the embroidery floss!
The Hepburns for the friendship bracelet instruction book!
Deanna Young for offering herself as a liaison!
Toni McKinney for keeping me on track & in touch with our Bible memorization group!
Linda for donating hair do-da's for the house moms!
The Turner Family for faithful prayer & financial support!
Mike & Shirley Largent for unwavering enthusiasm & diligent prayer support!

Small parts of a big plan

Family, friends & acquaintances frequently ask, "How can you do it?" Perhaps you're wondering too. Perhaps especially now, realizing this is not a one-time, thrill-seeking trip, but an all-out, whatever-it-costs lifestyle for us. The answer comes in three parts. First of all, I have very little responsibility in this. Secondly, the weight of my limited responsibility is carried by Jesus. Thirdly, I can't not do it.

It just looks like I'm doing a lot because I'm the one who gets to type blog entries. Yeah, seriously. The truth is I'm a very small part of a whole body of people in on this gig. I'm in partnership with lovely, loving people who make it possible for me to attempt my small part by doing their small parts. Some help prayerfully plan & prepare for the stays in Cambo. Some pray earnestly & diligently for me, my family, my Cambo siblings, the folks I work with in Cambo & the country as a whole. Some lend moral support, give encouragement & offer great advice via phone calls, email & periodic goodie boxes. Some stay in touch with my loved ones here (I do mean physically in touch; they actually come to the house) so they'll remember that they're loved & that their sacrifices are recognized. Some communicate with others to promote the work we're doing. Some invest money in materials & projects we have going in Cambo as well as my travel & keep thru collecting donations by a variety of means as well as contributing from their own resources. One turns my emails to her into a real blog. Some minister to me upon re-entry too. If I'm the face, they're the backbone in this body, to be sure.

My responsibility is to minister the generous grace & loving goodness of Jesus Christ to Cambodians. It's not my generosity, not my grace, not my love, not my goodness, but aaaaall His. I'm just a conduit between Jesus & people. He carries the lion's share of the ministry. All I have to do is remain devoted to & dependent upon Him; He does the rest. He's cool like that. And yeah, it is just that simple. Bearing in mind that simple is not synonomous with easy & the effects of being a conduit can really zap ya' sometimes. Hahahahahahaha!

The bottom line is I can't not do this. This is what Jesus wants me to do, I know that I know that I know. The real question for me is not how can I do this, but how can I say no to God? How can I deny Him anything? He is God. And, He's been sooooooooooo good to me. And, I am so crazy in love with Him. How can I not?

I think the most interesting thing about this question I'm so frequently asked is the question behind the question. I'm completely convinced that what those people are really asking is: Could I do it? Aaaaaand, the real question is not even could you, but only would you. Would you do your small part in partnership with a group of folks like yourself who're doing their small parts? If you're willing, God is able – guaranteed. It's written in blood.

12/30/10
HALLELUJAH!
~Dave is making a strong & speedy recovery!
~We have compassionate, enthusiastic, faithful supporters! (I am eternally grateful for the privilege of being your partner, you lil' dolly-dolls!)
~People are obeying God when He says, "Go hand Becky money." That's crazy-cool, eh?
~God's brought us to some EXCELLENT training materials to help us as He expands this branch of ministry. (All for You, God!)
~God does the sweetest little things to remind us of His affectionate attention toward us, doesn't He?
~I've experienced a very fruitful time of "review-recover-respond" in dealing with re-entry depression! That one gets a halle-tootin'-lujah!!

HELP!
~Yup, those treasured souls who snagged my bag & hi-jacked my ID. Keep on. For Jesus' sake, keep on.
~Ask the Lord of the harvest to call on more workers.
~Remember those "in the field" as post-holiday time can be an especially difficult time to be in there.
~Pray that I may be completely receptive as the Lord prepares me to return to Cambo-land.
~Please, join us in praying for the expansion I think God has planned for our hometown's involvement in foreign & domestic missions.

PERSONAL NOTES
Hey Peter, hope you're still reading & still arguing with yourself about what you read here. Most of all, I hope you're finding the Answer to your arguments. If you had a two-way line of communication here, we could "talk" about it all.

Incoming

I thought I'd escaped the re-entry depression that's typical for incoming missionaries. I thought my atypical return was a sidestep around it. Nope. There I was in a christian bookstore the week before CHRISTmas & blam-o! I was overwhelmed by the contrast between the life I know in the United States of America & the life I know in the Kingdom of Cambodia. It was bound to come, I suppose. That's why we call it "typical," eh? I'm thankful to God for the delay tho'.
Now that my husband Dave is out of the hospital & well on his way to full recovery I am better able to cope with the depression & to give time to finding useful meaning & hopeful motivation in it. So, I pray & I ponder & I pout a little.

It is not at all unusual for incoming missionaries to wrestle with feelings of guilt & frustration over the abundance we have at our disposal at home, the abundance we take for granted, the abundance we demand, the abundance we waste. We measure our leisure spending such as eating out, going bowling or renting a movie in terms of needs that could be met in poverty-stricken areas we've visited. When I bought a package of socks for myself, I didn't reckon the price as $6, but as 12 kilos of rice. It's also not unusual, especially for short-term missionaries like myself, to make vows we will not keep after returning from an impoverished area. For instance, every missionary I've had contact with here in the States (maybe a dozen) has mentioned feeling guilty for having so much food available & many have vowed to never waste food again....but we do.

With these & similar thoughts bombarding our souls, it can be a challenge to socialize in the usual manner. It is difficult to muster genuine sympathy for a friend who gripes about having to go to three stores to find the game her child wants for CHRISTmas while remembering the infant who perished because his mama was too malnourished to produce enough milk to sustain him. It is hard to hear a friend explain that he simply cannot afford to donate to charities while he's paying $6 for a cup of coffee & a doughnut. Harder still, to fully enjoy the $6 cup of coffee & doughnut purchased by & for the missionary. (Combined, that's enough to feed 25 villagers, by the way.) And, on a personal note, I've had a change of heart about immigrants & aliens learning to speak english if they intend to live here in the U.S. Yeah, they should AND we should make it as easy as possible. Having lived in a foreign country, I promise you that every foreigner here wishes s/he could speak english at least as much as you wish they could.

These thoughts & comparisons & evaluations have to be prayerfully pondered & biblically balanced. It's very important to make an immediate move on the conclusions we come to too. The longer we put off action, the easier it becomes to put off action. Whether we try to gain from it or not, the depression fades & the frustration is forgotten. Before long, we're griping about minor inconveniences endured for trivial things & wasting resources (aka gifts from God) even as we commisserate about not having enough. The whole experience beomes little more than interesting stories to tell at parties.

So, I pray & I ponder & I pout a little. And I plan what to pack for the next trip. I have a plane ticket to Phnom Penh for 2 February.

12/22/10
Praise God for...
~partners who support this little branch by making themselves God's supply lines in prayer, encouragement, advice & finance.
~freedom to travel easily into & out of the United States.
~protecting us from the enemy.
~those little comforts we most often take for granted (eg. hot tap water, garbage pick-up, that magical box on the wall that allows me to make the whole house as warm or as cool as I please).
~the refreshment of soul I've received while here in the States.

Petition God for...
~the salvation of those guys who nabbed my bag & swiped my ID. Christ died for them. Surely they are worth our diligent prayer.
~His wisdom as we make travel plans for myself, for Dave & for others who will go to Cambodia in 2011.
~workers who will go & workers who will support those who go.
~opportunities to speak publicly for the sake of local & foreign missions.

A great big thank you to:
~Those who prayed, sent cards & notes, visited, & fed us body & soul while Dave was hospitalized!
~Whomever deposited $100 in the Cambo account. May the blessing return to you multiplied!
~Diana Hester who went on a quest for brown babydolls & purchased every one she found! (A search in Cambodia produced only frustration.)
~The Turner Family for unfailing loyalty to God.

Re-entry reflections

Well, this has been a strange re-entry. I've been spared most of the usual re-entry culture shock by going straight from airport to hospital & staying there virtually the entire two months I've been here. There have been enough "shocks" to make me think tho'. Some shocks are minor & really quite pleasing while others are overwhelming & troubling.

It was a little shocking & a lot pleasing to land in the States. Those of us blessed with the passport of power (U.S. citizen passport) are given first-class treatment even if we arrive on a coach ticket. It was also a bit of a shock & a real tickle to realize I could understand every word every person spoke to me & could read every sign I passed. And, I cannot tell you how surprised & pleased I was to find bathroom tissue in every stall & towels or blow dryers at every sink. Our son's girlfriend laughingly reminded me that every stool comes stocked with tissue when she noticed me stuffing the napkins from our fast-food bags into my purse. A habit she recognized from her visit to Cambodia, for we all saved such "emergency paper" knowing we'd be glad of it next time we stepped up to a squatty potty.

I was overwhelmed at the obnoxiously ridiculous amount of advertising ev-e-ry-where & the ridiculously obnoxious content of advertising.ev-e-ry-where. If I were a newcomer to America I'd swear the country's slogan must be, "But wait! There's more!" More indeed! I was flabbergasted at the extra-large portions served at restaurants & aghast at the amount thrown away without a second thought. Not to mention the overwhelm I've experienced while looking at menus. Good gravy, there are dozens of options for every appetizer, snack, meal & dessert a person may order.
Just as I've become accustomed to hoarding paper napkins & limited food choices, I've become accustomed to people turning away from those in need. I've been overwhelmed with gratitude & happiness at how quickly the Church rallies to take care of one of her own here. We have been surrounded by people caring for our every need & convenience. The power of active compassion influences even those who do not directly benefit from it. Simply witnessing people care for others has an impact. Whether people are inspired or just puzzled by acts of mercy & generosity, they are thinking about it. They can't help but wonder why people behave so. We can put a name, the Name, on their wondering. We can tell them the why is actually a Who & His name is Jesus. What opportunity! What a great time to introduce people to Jesus & say, "But wait! There's more!"

12/13/10
Praise God for...
~those sweet souls who pray for others diligently!
~putting the ability to heal within the human body.
~modern medical technology & those who are brave enough to use it.
~modern communications technology that keeps us connected when we can't be face to face.
~always providing everything we need.
~His inexplicable peace!

Petition God for...
~the redemption of those dear souls who nabbed my bag & hijacked my ID.
~the revelation of Himself to others thru Dave's ordeal & recovery.
~"field hands," for the harvest is ripe.

About Dave:
Dave had two heart valves replaced successfully & is recovering. We very much appreciate the loving support we've received over the last month. We are thrilled with the opportunities the Body's taken to show Jesus to those who are serving in the hospitals we've been in. We are looking forward to enjoying Cambodia together as soon as possible.

Back in the U.S.

10/16/10
Hallelujah!
~We have a WONDERFUL new staff member!
~All the sibs have all they need to start school!
~ My visa is FINALLY valid & up-to-date!!
~ Short-term mission teams are coming in!
~ My khmer is expanding & improving! It's muuuuch easier to talk to people about Jesus when you can say His name in their language! (In case you're wondering, His name is pronounced "yay-soo."
~ Little Adam is thriving!

Help!
~ Nasty, nasty water has been thigh high at the boys' house, including IN the house, for a couple of days. The storms are way-cool, but sometimes the results are not. On the bright side tho', they have been able to catch some small fish with their mosquito netting.
~ A friend's 20 month old son has some fairly serious heath problems & we haven't the resources available to help him. Good doctors are scarce & expensive here.
~ I'm a little nervous about running the place while Ruth's away the first two weeks of November.

Personal Notes:
~ Isaac Roe, I miss you only a LOT. I love you, Son.
~ Gena Taylor, you're on my mind.
~ Lucy Carr, thank you for checking on my husband. You're a blessing, Sister!
~ Lora Sherfey, I heard you're still planning on coming. WOOOO-HOOOOO!

A friend phoned in the middle of the night to tell me that I needed to get back to Indiana as soon as possible because my husband was having serious heart trouble. She said the doctor told her my husband was "gravely ill," & that his loved ones should be called bedside immediately. I was at his side in no time. Upon my arrival, my husband Dave's health greatly improved to the amazement of the family & friends who'd been hoping I'd make it in time to say goodbye.
Infection has apparently damaged Dave's heart. The doctors' plan is to discharge Dave from St. Vincent's Heart Center 21 October & continue antibiotic treatment out-patient at our local hospital for four weeks. Once the infection is cleared up, tests will be performed to determine the extent of the damage & arrangements made to repair it.

We are counting on Jesus to strengthen Dave's heart & the hearts of my siblings in Cambodia. They're very used to individuals & short-term mission teams visiting for a week or two, so have developed the ability to make quick & loose connections with people. They've learned to guard their hearts; this is normal for them, even the youngest of them. As I've said before, God's grace has given my sibs & me an unusual connection. There's been an imprinting between us. Our connection is strong & deep. They've let their guard down for their "real sister." Consequently, my departure was/is heartbreaking & worrisome for them.

I promised my sibs that I will "come back home" as soon as I can. I reassured them by purchasing a round trip ticket. God willing, I will be able to send them email while I'm here too. I can also send text messages to the house moms for the children to read & respond to. Nevertheless, this is a very difficult time for them. And me.

It was terribly, terribly hard for me to leave them. Partly because of what our separation is doing to them & partly because of what our separation is doing to me. I, too, have learned to guard my heart (I think we all have) & I, too, have let my guard down. Lord Jesus, please strengthen my heart too.

Doin' the dance

Some missionaries reject the surrounding culture altogether while others try to blend in completely. I prayerfully decided to waffle. Hahahahaha! That is, altho' I'm learning to "do the dance" here, now & then I throw in a new step. 'Course there are times I miss a step too.

My ministry partner Jane Truax loves the account I gave her of dealing with an old woman who was hassling my brothers about the way Ruth treated her during a dispute over rent payment (Ruth is definitely a reject-the-culture kind of missionary). That was a time I had to do the dance & had to do it very carefully. My brother Boonie, in the photo, bravely agreed to translate my words as I demonstrated all the proper body language. It was a complicated dance, but I got thru it without laughing or being spit on, thank God. Totally Cambo culture for that one....until I ended the dance with a dip. Hahahahaha! I was just so happy that peace had been restored that I reached out & rubbed her arms & even hugged her. The brother with me nearly passed out thinking I just blew the whole deal we worked so hard to achieve. Hahahahaha! Thanks be to God, the old woman received my behavior with delight & even kissed my head.

Then there was the time I stopped a trash picker to love on the filthy baby he was carrying amongst the rubbish he collected in his cart. Trash pickers are not considered people, but trash pushing trash. (I know, I know. Really honks me off too.) Not only did I make eye contact with the man & smile at him, I played with the child & even kissed her lice-infested head. Gave the guy my water bottle too. That was a totally freestyle dance there; just moving to the rhythm of my spirit. The small crowd that gathered to stare was aghast, but the man & baby smiled, & I think Jesus did too.

When one of my sisters, an older, thought it would be "sooooo nice" to have a western mom take her shopping in what Americans call a mall, I gave her a taste of it. Took her into one of the city's largest & nicest markets (like a gigantic, old-fashioned department store), headed straight for the undergarments, & embarrassed the stuffin' out of her. Hahahahahaha! That there was some dirty dancing. Hahahahahaha! Before you jump me for that dirty trick, please know I behaved very well as I bought her a nice pair of shorts in another section of the market. Srey Peck loves the shorts, but as for wishing for an American mom, she'd rather sit out that dance! Hahahahahaha!

Sometimes I have to show someone else how to do a new step too. Sopea (pronounced "soapy") is a new Cambo staff helping at the girls' house & the team house. [THANK YOU, JESUS!!!] She's a living doll who loves the children & works diligently to run their household well. In customary fashion Sopea showed her respect for my authority (When we met she assumed I am in charge because I'm white. Sheesh.) she offered me a chair & knelt in front of me, face toward the ground with her hands above her forehead, palms together. I quickly snatched her up by the elbow so we were both standing & drew up her chin so we were face to face. Before I could speak she said, "Oooh so sorry. I afraid Madame not like me." I held her face with both hands making her look me in the eyes & said, "Sopea, I love you. I am very, very happy you are here. I thank you! You must never bow to me. Never! We are sisters. We work together. I don't want to see the top of your head ever again!" We both cried a little & embraced a long time. I still have to lift her chin occassionally because the new step still feels a little awkward to her, but she's getting the hang of our little tango.

I missed a step just this week. Still feel bad about it too. Lyn is a moto driver who picks me up early in the morning Monday-Friday for breakfast & house checks. Lyn informed me (thru my bilingual brother) that he would like to go see his family out of town from Friday night to Sunday night. Very dramatically I said, "Three days gone?! Oh no! What will I do? I will miss you too much!" Lyn immediately apologized & promised to stay in the city forever. It would be hilarious if he weren't totally serious. I forgot that Cambo's don't do sarcasm, rhetorical questions, open criticism, nor a host of other communications common to westerners. That was some fancy footwork: missed a step, stepped on Lyn's toes & put my foot in my mouth all in one quick move. Ugh! It took some doing, but Lyn agreed to visit his family, believed I still like him, & trusted I still want him to drive for me. ... He did call me Friday evening to ask if he could leave at 6pm tho'. Sigh.

As far as I'm concerned for Cambodia, the dance I'm most looking forward to is the one we'll do when we "dance upon injustice." The peacemakers, the trash pickers, the orphans, the oppressed, the meek & one wild-footed barang are really gonna' cut a rug!

10/16/10
Hallelujah!
~We have a WONDERFUL new staff member!
~All the sibs have all they need to start school!
~ My visa is FINALLY valid & up-to-date!!
~ Short-term mission teams are coming in!
~ My khmer is expanding & improving! It's muuuuch easier to talk to people about Jesus when you can say His name in their language! (In case you're wondering, His name is pronounced "yay-soo."
~ Little Adam is thriving!

Help!
~ Nasty, nasty water has been thigh high at the boys' house, including IN the house, for a couple of days. The storms are way-cool, but sometimes the results are not. On the bright side tho', they have been able to catch some small fish with their mosquito netting.
~ A friend's 20 month old son has some fairly serious heath problems & we haven't the resources available to help him. Good doctors are scarce & expensive here.
~ I'm a little nervous about running the place while Ruth's away the first two weeks of November.

Personal Notes:
~ Isaac Roe, I miss you only a LOT. I love you, Son.
~ Gena Taylor, you're on my mind.
~ Lucy Carr, thank you for checking on my husband. You're a blessing, Sister!
~ Lora Sherfey, I heard you're still planning on coming. WOOOO-HOOOOO!

Adjustments

I've been here just over 90 days now. Sometimes it seems like I left the States days ago & sometimes it feels like forever ago. In reviewing the past few months, I'm taken by the adjustments I've made with & without effort & the things I can't seem to adjust to even with the greatest efforts & most fervent prayer. I'm also surprised at what I miss about living in the US. I miss complete silence & complete darkness. I'd really like to have either one for just 5 minutes. I miss the feel of carpeting under my feet sometimes. And, of all things, I miss cheese. Whoda' guessed?

Yes, yes, of course my husband & loved ones most of all, but that really should go without saying. Besides, if I say too much about it I get teary.

I've become so accustomed to tropical weather that I now refer to anything under 75*F as "jacket weather." When I'm hungry, I usually crave lumpy rice. It takes conscious effort to speak in complete english sentences & I've learned enough Khmer, the language of Cambodia, that I think it. Squatty potties don't phase me. In fact, I'm surprised to see a regular toilet outside the house & feel a little funny peeing so far off the ground. I'm so totally adjusted to cool tap water that the one time I had hot water, I had to turn it down to shower comfortably. I'm so used to being called "b'KEY" that the last time someone pronounced my name correctly, she had to call to me about 5 times before I realized I was being addressed. I don't smell the rotting trash anymore & the food smells that used to gag me stir my appetite. I feel weird when I'm with more than two people & no one's touching me ... & I instinctively touch of one of them. Hahahahaha! 45mph is frighteningly fast, but moving vehicles brushing my feet (dangling sidesaddle on a motorcyle) don't even provoke the slightest twitch. I don't have to consciously convert reil, Cambodian currency, to dollars & can count reil change from US dollars as fast as the shopkeepers (caught 'em ripping me off a few times too!). Believe it or not, I've realized Cambodians are right- barang (foreigners) do indeed smell bad. Hahahahahaha! Why, I even truly enjoy the Cambodian coffee I couldn't stomach when I got here & know the best places to get it.

On the other hand, I still don't like the drink most places try to pass off as western coffee. I still get teary eyed over beggars eventho' I see one about every 5 minutes when I'm outside the house. The storm I'm enjoying now is as fabulously thrilling as the first one I experienced (Man, I hate to see rain season end). I'm still a little put off by people picking their noses while they speak to me. And, I'm still taken aback every time the electricity, or internet, or phone service goes out. I'm still surprised when I call out "Juck sow, sohm!" (open the gate, please) at the sibs' houses & a crowd of people run at me squealing with the joy.

I seriously doubt I'll ever get over the fact that God brought a middle-aged housewife who wouldn't go more than 25 minutes away from home alone to the other side of the world to demonstrate a bit of His incomprehensible love.

10/8/10
Praise God for...
~laughter. It's a sanity saver sometimes.
~those big honkin' storms. They're still AWESOME!
~love that lives beyond emotion & intellect.
~those who will share the little they have with those who have less than little.
~the new squatty potty that convinced villagers God is a good & loving God!!

Petition God for...
~the salvation of those precious thieves. They are worth praying for till Jesus comes!
~His favor upon the newbie, a rejected 1month-old Ruth named Adam.
~mercy & the grace of salvation upon Adam's mommy.
~me to be granted the courage to keep loving wholeheartedly. It hurts sometimes...real bad like.
Special request! Please pray with us during the wicked holiday of appeasing damned souls & evil spirits. We can feel the weight of evil increasing & are seeing the influence in people. The holiday lasts two weeks with the biggest ceremonies being held this weekend, 8-10 October.

Personal Notes:
~Isaac Roe, I love you more now than ever before.
~Lisa Turner, the pain is about experiencing love from Michael's side of the story now (ref the book you gave me).
~Nancy Rodenbeck, FK. :o)
~Everyone, internet, phone & electricity is skitchy again. Sorry for the delay in communications!

Teamwork

There's another aspect to my "job" I haven't told you about yet. I play hostess to visiting mission teams. Sometimes teams stay here at the team house where Ruth & I live & sometimes they stay elsewhere. Sometimes they're here for a couple weeks, sometimes they're here for a few days, & sometimes they just pop in for a few hours. My duties depend on where they stay & how long they stay. Whatever the circumstances, my first duty is to inform my sibs & the housemoms of a team's upcoming arrival, lest they refuse to open the gate & call in security (that'd be me. Hahahahaha!)

The first team I met came out of Singapore & they stayed here for one week. They held daily workshops for our older girls here at the teamhouse. They were a lot of work. I prepared & maintained the team house, arranged transportation, obtained supplies, set up their meeting room & even pulled a hairball the size of a well fed fieldmouse out of their drain for them. In addition, I kept track of everyone's emotional & physical health, meeting those needs as best as the Lord enabled me.

This week we've had two teams in. Both Roo's. The first team was a "pop-in" team, meaning they popped in to play with my siblings for about an hour. Very simple job there. I just met them at an easy-to-find location, directed their bus driver to the girls' house (in the Cambodian language! How cool am I?) & hung around until Ruth got there. The second team is also a youth team who popped in. They popped in for about half a day tho' & came well prepared with a variety of fun, interactive activities.

In addition to popping in, the second team held clinics at two villages LIA supports near the Vietnam border. Some of the team members provided pharmacy services handing us the meds we called for (Ruth & I did diagnoses with the help of a couple of my sibs providing translation), some administered eye & ear drops, some cleaned & bandaged wounds. Outside the medical treatment, some played guitars, some did face painting, some blew soap bubbles, some played games & some prayed for those we treated. This was a pretty simple job as well; I just gave directions now & again to achieve & maintain organized work. Oh yeah, I also sat outside the door of a primitive shower (basically an outhouse with a large container of water & a metal bowl for pouring) talking to a girl who was afraid to be in the shower area by herself. Hahahahaha!
Next week we have a Missions Adventure Kiwi team coming thru a Youth With A Mission (YWAM) base here in Phnom Penh. They'll be staying at the YWAM base, so there's no prep for me to do here. They plan to spend several mornings playing with my sibs. My job will be to hang out at the girls' house with them & to lead them in helping with the kindy classes here at the team house.

The greatest task I have as team hostess is answering questions. Teams have lots & lots of questions. Questions about the Kingdom of Cambodia's culture, about my siblings, about LIA, even about what I'm doing here (& how to properly use a squatty potty, especially where there are no tissue or towels. Hahahahaha!). I believe every question we ask is actually an effort to understand ourselves, so altho' answering the questions directly is easy enough, I need to raise questions about the questions to be of real service. For example, when someone asks how villagers who have virtually no material goods can seem so content, I have to question why s/he equates having stuff with being content. I could simply say, "Most of them don't know there's more to be had," but what good would that do? A direct answer like that barely satisfies the curiosity, let alone reaches the soul. In order to be of any lasting value, I need to fashion their curiosity about others into a springboard to consciously questioning themselves. Direct answers give information, but direct questions give insight.

In my mind, helping to answer these questions-the real questions-is my greatest task where teams are concerned, but I reckon in their minds my greatest task is either handing out tissues & hand sanitizer at squatties or getting rid of the "eeew" that clogs their drains.

Praise God for...
~encouraging words. There is real power within them.
~treats in the mail. There is real power in them as well.
~clean water. Access to it is a gift. And, believe me, it tastes better than the polluted kind.
~people who still believe they can make a difference in the world.
~friends who are in it with you even when they can't be there with you. (You are more powerful than you know.)

Petition God for...
~the salvation of the dear souls who nabbed my bag.
~the salvation of the misguided souls who stole my ID.
~the transformation of perverts' hearts. They need healing as much as their victims do.
~insight & energy to minister to teams.
~favor with Immigration as I try to jump thru the final hoops to get my visa squared away.

A BIG HONKIN' THANK-YOU TO:
~the Tues morning group for the Bible!
~Diana Hester for the Levi's!
~Grace & Mercy Ministries for the missions donation!
~Bill Parr for apples of gold in settings of silver!

Personal Notes:
~Isaac Roe, I love you. The folks in Sihanouk Ville are asking about you!
~Kelly Stanley, yeah, it's like that both ways. I appreciate you too-honest, I do! :o)

Fill 'er up

I finally took a much needed break! I've been running on fumes the last couple of weeks & just didn't have it in me to go much further. I spent the weekend on the coast in Sihanouk Ville with friends who live there. Boy oh boy, did I get a good refill! I was so well loved that I am filled to overflowing again!

Especially after leaving the last depressing entry hanging here for so long, I want to tell you a little bit about my wonderful holiday. The whole weekend was absolutely grand, so it's difficult to choose highlights, but I'll do my prayerful best. I didn't take any photos because I know a camera simply cannot do justice to the experience. A diminished image seems an insult to it. The images are engraved in my heart, where they carry the full impact of the moment tho'.

First of all, it was incredibly heartwarming, & actually mindblowing, to receive the unbelievably joyous greetings I was given. Lots of squealing & squeezing, kissing & carressing, hand holding & happy tears. I could not have been welcomed with any more excited glee if I were carrying a big, carboard Publisher's Clearinghouse check! Where everyone really needs & everyone wants me to fill those needs, it is a soul-refreshing blessing to be desired for no more than my presence.

I have become acquainted with my friends thru doing business with them. A few operate the guesthouse I stay in & a couple others are tuk tuk drivers who've introduced me to their family (of 18 members living together in a small, three-sided house they built themselves). God has given us such sweet soul ties that I am not considered a customer anymore & they are by no means service providers to me. Sopha (so-FWAH), the 15 year-old guesthouse hostess calls me Mamma & we cry on each other's necks when we meet & when we part. Mr. Sothea (so-TEE-uh) the guesthouse manager told me, "you are very-good-to-warm-my-heart friend." Ditto to Mr. Sothea. Ly, the most darling & precious friend I have in Cambodia, drives a tuk tuk for a living. He expressed the greatest honor & deepest love by informing me-& showing me!-that I am no longer a customer or even ordinary friend but a no-pay friend.

My first puzzling experience as a no-pay friend came at the house of Ly's friends when they were reluctant to accept money after preparing me a costly & elaborate feast. As I've said, food is the most precious commodity here. Giving someone food is like handing over your checkbook here. When I asked Ly about he said, "When you in Cambodia maybe one year or two year, you will know Cambodia way. Some must pay, some not." He explained that no-pay friends are entitled to everything you possess or have access to & they are never obligated to repay the cost or even return the favor (tho' out of mutual affection they usually do). As we talked more about "Cambodia way" my heart warmed when he said, "You good friend, no pay me & no pay my friends ." On his word, I am entitled to anything or everything his family & friends have or can lay hold of...without owing them anything in return! Thing is, part of Cambodia way is that you cannot earn that kind of friendship. You cannot give & expect to receive in return. No-pay friend status is given me (& others) because, as Ly explained it, "I know your heart. I see your behavior. You no pay." It's a matter of character. My character, yes, & I am indeed incredibly honored, but moreso Ly's character & I am indeed incredibly loved
.
At one point in the most wonderful weekend I've lived since I don't know when, Ly took me to a secret beach. That is, a place unsullied by the tourists & hawkers & the awful, ugly, noisy messes they make. Ly really does know my heart & proved that clearly when, as we stood on the shore, he softly said, "You can like the sea & the islands & the beach," then walked away to leave me in much-needed solitude. I walked in & out of the water along the shoreline for a long time praying. When I finally squatted just beyond the water's reach, all talked out, I began to truly "like the sea & the islands & the beach" & God whispered in my spirit rather nonchalantly, "I spoke all this." I was got. I was overwhelmed with who God is as if I'd just heard the truth for the first time. He spoke all that. Wow. Then He really blew me away, "Just let Me love you. Humble yourself to receive. Just let Me love you." I squatted a good while longer taking in the message. Ly approached & squatted next to me for a long time. We just liked the sea & the islands & the beach together in silence. We simultaneously rose & headed back to the motorcycle. Down the road a short piece he broke the silence, "You can be happy now? If you happy, I happy. You no happy, I cannot happy too."

I replied, "Jaaaa, I am happy now."

His thrilled response was, "Ooooooh SO good! I am very, very happy! And you speak Khmer! Make me happy!" ("Ja" is the female "yes.") We both laughed loud & long just out of sheer happiness.

Ly also took me to a secret waterfall during "the wonder weekend." We had SUCH a blast with the 20 or so Cambodians there. We laughed & splashed & hooted & slipped around & played behind, in front of & right smack in the middle of the awesomely gorgeous & powerful waterfalls. Being the obvious newbie there, everyone wanted to show me tricks & thrills to enjoy...& to take photos of me. Hahahaha! After playing long enough to get chilled, I sat on a flat, dry spot in the sunshine away from the crowd. I sat in amazement at the beauty & power of the falls, of the One who created them-the One who spoke them, the One who gave me no-pay friend status just to love me.

A quick tutorial from Kelly :-)

Becky asked me to let everyone know how they can "Follow" her blog and leave comments.

To become a "Follower":
1) Go to Sign In (upper right-hand corner) and create an account.
2) Sign in, and then the "Follow" button appears in upper left-hand corner.
3) From then on, if you sign in to Blogger (or through Becky's blog), you will have a Dashboard that shows new posts from all the blogs you are following.

You can also register for a Google account (free) and use Google Reader to read all the blogs you want to follow. All you have to do is type in the blog addresses at the top left under "Add a subscription." It's a simple way to manage and stay up on multiple blogs that you follow.

OK, to add a comment to the blog (i.e., respond to Becky's questions or simply send a message), click on the "Comments" link at the bottom of each individual blog entry. It will say "0 comments" or 1, 2, or however many there are.

It will give you an area to write your comments, but be sure to click on the "Comment as" pop-up menu to choose an identity -- which just means to enter your name, email address (optional) -- or use your new Google identity (I think that's the simplest). Then click "Post comment" and you're done!

Gladness and Grief

Today has been the roughest day I've ever had in Cambodia. Yes, even worse than the day in February we were deathly ill. Muuuuch worse than that. I hope I'll never have another like it, but I reckon if Jesus keeps me 'round here I will. Sigh.

Altho' the "issue" has been on-going for almost a month, I haven't been at liberty to speak of it to anyone except Ruth & a couple of government officials. This morning our involvement was ended, so I can finally speak of it...in a vague sort of way anyhow.

A guy came by late one night packing lies & three small children. He said he wanted the children to stay with us temporarily because they were in danger of being kidnapped and/or hurt by some wicked fugitives who have a grudge against him for "busting" them. It didn't take Sherlock Holmes to figure out the guy was telling tall tales, but three littles clearly needed a safe place to stay, so what could we do?

I kept them in hiding here with me at the team house until we were confident there were no predators creeping around the place (knowing the neighbors & having neighbors who love to gossip about strangers in the neighborhood was SUCH a blessing). We could not risk the safety of my siblings if someone really were following the guy & the children. Once we were convinced no one was lurking about to do harm, we moved them to the girls' house where all the other littles live.

The guy called periodically with excuses about why he couldn't retrieve the children yet & finally asked us to turn the children over to a nanny he hired. Ruth asked a trusted friend who's in the know about the guy & we found out our suspicions were right on the mark: the guy is the fugitive & the only people following him are law enforcement agents (from at least two countries & about 5 agencies). Then we were really in it!

The guy is not the natural nor adoptive father of these precious littles, so if we kept the children, we were part of a kidnapping ring & if we passed the children on to someone else, we were part of a human trafficking ring. Just having the children in our care labeled us "associates" & possibly "assessories" to the guy. Oh don't you know we were praying our hearts out!! Besides, & truly beyond, the legalities of the situation, we had three littles who needed loving care & protection....& a few medical tests to reveal if they'd been sexually assaulted, HIV-infected, or suffered any STD's. (I know, I hate to think toddlers may have such problems too, but here it's not uncommon.)

Thank God our trusted friend was able to clear us with a contact at the US embassy, who was able to clear us with a contact at the Ozzie embassy, who put us in contact with a westerner-run Non-Government Organization that rescues children trapped in human trafficking (foreign rescue NGO, aka the only good guys in this country with any real power). who in turn agreed to help us resolve the mess with the local government & place the children in a safe & wonderful foster home until the real parents can be located & checked out (the parents may have willingly given up the littles or sold them & so not be fit to receive them back). The NGO man, a real sweetheart with a lot of backbone, took the littles & me to the proper authorities today to turn the children over to the foster home people.

Funny thing, altho' the littles showed absolutely no attachment, indeed no emotion at all, toward the guy who claimed to be their adopted dad who, according to him, saved them from certain disaster & death, 5 minutes after I met them they were on me like white on rice. God does stuff like that. He let them know that I was a safe place to land, I reckon. The guy claimed they could not speak, so I was surprised when they spoke eagerly & cheerfully & frequently to me. For some reason they spoke only to me tho'. Go fig. God does stuff like that too. But, that blessing made today all the harder.

I had to put the children in a tuk-tuk with yet another complete stranger (who knows how many times they've been thru that already), smile at them, & tell them, "It's OK." They will be OK, but at the moment none of us were OK. I'm still not OK. God, I hope they are.

I'm sooooo glad they're safe & on the way to a stable & loving home, but I'm also grieving. Grieving over the fact that littles suffer confusion & fear & heartache & bodily pain & soul-scarring trauma because wicked adults are willing to put them in harm's way for pocket change.

Lord Jesus, come quickly! Can I get an "amen" somewhere?

9/2/10
Praise God for...
~people willing to risk themselves to prevent others from being put at risk.
~the privilege of eating every day. It is a privilege.
~"big rain" that settles the dust & lifts the spirit.
~the moto driver that enjoyed being caught in the storm as much as I did. We had a blast, especially thru the butt-high flood waters.
~people who ask, "What do you need?"

Petition God for...
~the salvation of those precious souls who nabbed my bag
~the salvation of those who nabbed my ID..
~the capture of & mercy toward the wicked perv you'll read about in this entry.
~more reliable LIA staff

Personal Notes:
~Deb, thanks sooo much for the Thirst! It really makes a difference!
~Judson Baptist Church of La Vista, NE., THANK YOU!!!
~Grapevine, you've just got to learn some hip-hop moves. You'd love it!
~Isaac, I miss you big.

Bong

It's official. I am LIA staff. Cool beans, huh? I think so. The pay's nothing to bank on, but the benefits are priceless. The only title I hold here is Bong, which means elder sibling (Yeah, the language is that thorough. Moreso than ancient Greek even!) As Bong I have authority over & responsibility for my younger sibs, but I also get to enjoy the commaraderie of being "one of the kids." In other words, I get to boss them around & hear their secrets. Hahahaha!

I love every one of my little brothers & sisters very deeply. God has given us genuine intimacy with & sincere affection for one another. I do some stuff for them, sure, but they're for me as well. Really. Just tonight, a few of the children gave Jame & me a big bag of fruit simply to love on us. Waaaay more fruit than we can eat, to be sure. We each took a little & Jame will give the rest to the poor children in his neighborhood. A bag of fruit (I don't know what it's called, but it's delicious) may not sound like much to people who give each other new clothes, video games & cars, but here giving food in any amount is a HUGE gift. Not to mention the fact that fruit is a treat, not part of the ordinary diet. So, to receive a big, honkin' bag of it.... Wow!

Another evening a few of my brothers could see that I was upset about something despite my best efforts to conceal my emotions. I've learned that when you know someone's heart, you have only to see their cheek to know how they are feeling. My brothers know my heart, for sure. They rallied round me like you would not believe. Merely recalling their concern & compassion overwhelms my soul.

Even the littles show their love for me in the sweetest, albeit strangest, ways. Here grooming one another is a great sign of affection. So, when the littles show me their toenails need clipping or their ears need cleaning, I know I am well loved. When they nit pick me (literal nit picking) & scrape the dusty crud out of the inner corners of my eyes, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they absolutely adore me.

I have no doubt that my brothers & sisters would do anything & give everything for me. And, I for them — same, same, no different.

Mostly what I do for the children is pay attention as a real bong should. Easily, 2/3 of Cambodian communication is done thru facial expression & body language. I suppose that's a fact on an international level, but here the unspoken communication is far more complex & far more important than I've ever heard of happening anywhere else. For example, it makes a big difference which direction your eyes move while you're speaking. I'm not just talking about up or down, I'm talking about diagonally up to the right, quickly to the left, a glance at the ground. Eye movement is just one way of communicating. Eyebrows is a whole 'nother thing. As are the mouth, the hands, the feet, shoulders, etc. (If you're thinking about coming over, no worries, it's understood that foreigners are poor communicators & Cambo's don't hold much against you. Hahaha!)

I am finding the children & I speak less but communicate more. Ain't that something? For example, this evening I asked Srey Pick why the older girls didn't attend a youth meeting they were very excited about this morning. She slumped just a bit with hands folded in her lap, glanced slightly downward to the right, then downward center. I asked again, "Srey Pick (saying a person's name in conversation is also a big deal & sometimes the only thing that needs to be said), why you not go to youth? Srey Pick, why?" She looked me in the eye for a few seconds, then glanced straight left, then downward to the right again as she leaned back in her seat. I had my answer; a full explanation including how she was feeling about it. I can't tell you the reason because part of the message was a request for confidentiality. Hahahaha!

I do other stuff for the children too, but none of it would mean nearly as much as it does to them without the "real-bong" factor. It's really the lifetime committment between us that makes the other stuff deeply meaningful. Like the recent boys' underwear purchases I made. Lots of people have bought my sibs unders & my sibs have been thankful, but there's something different about their bong taking them to market. Others have given unders because orphans need underwear. I bought unders because my brothers need underwear.....Calvin Kleine knock-off underwear that hangs out of the top of their low riders all cool like.

Photo: Big, hairy grapes

8/29/10
Praise God for...
~His astounding mercy
~His constant provision for every single need
~laughter. It does a body, soul & spirit good.
~the FABULOUS service work my brothers & sisters are joyfully doing
~His grace that turns intended harm into actual good
~young lives transformed by the loving Spirit of Jesus
~the realization of LIA's 2-year prayer request for a kindie (preschool) program here at the team house

Petition God for...
~the precious & treasured souls of the guys who snatched my bag
~redemption of the cleverness of the people who stole my ID. Their intelligence & ingenuity can bring God a good deal of glory once they know Jesus.
~ridiculously obvious direction in the decisions I need to make
~increase in trustworthy & sincere LIA staff

Personal Notes:
~Turner Family, God's peace & joy to you! You & yours are on my mind & in my heart. I also want you to be assured that your investments here are paying off in HUGE & ETERNAL dividends. Thank you soooooo much for your support. You are literally changing Cambodia. I can see it happening! Glory to God!
~Peg Miller, my big honkin' response to your concerns was lost in the email hijacking. Here's the short version: OK, I'll pray with you about it with an open mind. Thank you for being real. Thank you for caring for my family. I love you too.
~Isaac Roe, it's an honor to be your mom. I love you, Son.