April 18

The photo is of Naron & Narow, my friend Dara's children, at bathtime. Aren't they the cutest? They call me "Mommya" which is a term of affectionate respect for an older woman. They love to feed me when I visit & they want me to live with them. I hope to live with them forever in God's heaven.

In August of 2009 I lay on the floor asking God to make me more loving, to make me love like He loves. Being in Cambodia is an answer to that request. At the risk of coming across cheesy or cheeky, may I remind you: Be careful what you pray for, you just might get it.

I'm learning to love those who cannot repay it. I'm learning to love those who cannot appreciate it. I'm learning to love those who refuse to receive it. I'm learning to love those who pervert it, those who take advantage of it, those who resent me for it. I'm learning to love those who do not even recognize it. I'm learning to love even when it hurts, hurts bad, hurts reeeeeally bad. I'm learning to continue to love when it's neglected, when it's rejected, when it rips my soul apart. In Cambodian english that kind of love is called "love big, big." Love big, big is hard, man. It's gotta' be God loving thru me, for even on my best days I am absolutely incapable of this kind of love.

Yeah, I'm learning to love like God loves. I cannot repay His love. By far, most of the time I do not appreciate it. Sometimes (probably more often than I realize) I refuse to receive it. I pervert it, take advantage of it & even resent it sometimes. I do not recognize the expressions of God's love toward me most of the time, to be sure.

My dear, dear friend Dara made me realize all this. Funny thing is, he didn't even know he was opening my eyes to this truth.

Dara is basically my partner here. He's with me wherever I go outside the teamhouse gate because he drives me there. (Jame is busy building his business.) He has experienced God's love thru our work & play & day to day dealings with one another & others. The other night the sum of our experiences utterly overwhelmed him. It was as tho' all our experiences converged upon his mind at once & it was just more than he could intellectually explain to himself.

While Dara, Bright (you remember my big little brother, eh?) & I were visiting one night, Dara cried for the first time since he was a baby. You recall only babies cry here. He said he was feeling helpless & hopeless & yet completely loved. He said he's never known such a big & true love before. Bright explained that the love he feels from me is the love of God to him thru me. He was just so overwhelmed he couldn't get his mind around it all at the moment.

It was sorta' sad to see a grown man weep as Dara did. I also felt very constrained seeing him so totally overwhelmed by love & not able to identify the Source. Yet, I was at the same time happy, happy to see, literally see, "the untamed love of God on the loose."

The few words Dara uttered in broken english that night were received with far greater understanding than even perfect language skills could've provided me. Between gasps & sobs Dara kept groaning, more to himself than Bright or me, "Ooooooh! I don't understand. Ooooooooh! I never know my heart like this. Oh, why? Oooooooh! No peoples ever love me so big, big, big. Why? Oh, I don't know." By the way, "big, big" is the term for the maximum size, but Dara kept saying, "big, big, big." That is definitely God's untamed love on the loose-bigger than the biggest. If we so-called christians really had a grasp on God's grace, we, too, would gasp & sob & confess we don't understand. We, too, would wonder in overwhelming awe, "Why so big, big, big?"

May you & I lay hold of that love big, big, big & pass it on to others.

"This is My commandment: that you love one another as I have loved you." ~Jesus Christ

On the Other Side

After that depressing last entry, I think some balance is in order. Altho' I've certainly had some incredibly heartbreaking experiences, I have had some wonderfully heartwarming experiences too. I'd like to give you a peek at that side of this trip as well.

Phaneth is an older boy who has something against foreigners &, much to his teacher's chagrin, has no interest in learning english. Unbeknownst to me, he spent an entire evening learning to speak clearly one sentence in english so he could tell me something. I was quite suspicious the following morning when he stepped virtually toe to toe with me & smiled real big as the other boys gathered around, for altho' Phaneth had been polite, he was definitely cool toward me. I was not at all prepared for the next moment tho'. Phaneth spoke, "Sees-TAH, I LOB yoooo." (Sister, I love you.)

Tou is a middle boy who has something against everyone & everyone knows it. Altho' he speaks english well, he never spoke to me (about me, yes, but not to me Hahahahahaha!). Every day I would touch him affectionately, albeit quickly, & whisper in his ear, "I love you." One day Tou rushed to the gate to meet me before the usual swarm of children could get to me. He lightly touched my arm & quietly said, "I love you." Astonished, I replied before thinking, "Really?" The biggest smile I've ever seen spread across his face as he looked me square in the eyes & matter-of-factly said, "Yes. Really." As he turned away I choked out, "I love you, Tou." Over his shoulder, still smiling, he said with confidence, "I know." By the way, that's a candid shot of Tou up there. Yeah, that's his usual relaxed-because-no-one-is-around expression.

A new little who was brought to us a few weeks ago. Other than crying, he hasn't made a sound. He stays away from all of us despite our best efforts to be friendly. He won't even voluntarily come near for rice! Yesterday while I was squatting to release another little I'd been holding as I walked from the gate to the house, the new boy approached & stood at my knees, head down. I slowly extended my hands toward him & he slowly stepped into my embrace. I whispered, "Up?" (The littles know this word very well as they love to be picked up.), he silently nodded. Once I was standing, he rested his head on my shoulder & wrapped his arms around my neck. We, & the rest of the household, stood silently, savoring this miraculous moment.

The love of Jesus is influencing lives here. It is softening & soothing hearts aching with resentment, loneliness & fear. These sweet & satisfying moments make the bitter & frightening moments bearable.

At a Glance

WARNING!! The following entry may be unsettling & is not suitable for little ones. It contains graphic description of violence & sexual perversion.

OK, so this is supposed to be about the children of LIA. I know people are most interested in them, but there's other stuff going on here I think you should know about too. Have a look at what I've seen, will ya'?

A young woman died in the street. People passed barely glancing at her. When the ambulance finally arrived, they realized she was dead & left. It's up to the family to discover, identify & move the body.

A homeless man whose eyes have been plucked from his head wanders the streets all day & into the night hoping someone will give him food.

A girl about 10 years old looks out the side of a tuk tuk with blank eyes as the half drunk, 50-something perv in a Hawaiin shirt rubs her knee & whispers who knows what filth in her ear.

Two teenaged boys knock the bloody stuffin' out of each other over an empty plastic bottle because the recyclables they sell for rice money are becoming scarce as more people move into their "career field" otherwise known as digging thru trash.

Old people squat in a garbage heap eating supper from trash bags hoping the darkness conceals their shame.

4 year-olds being tested for STDs.

All this going on every day & no one seems to notice. Perhaps that's the worst of what I've seen.
I won't overload you with what I've seen the other seven weeks I've been here. I figure this little glance gives you a pretty clear picture.

A quote from William Wilberforce reverberates in my head: "Having seen all this, you can choose to look away, but you can never say again, 'I did not know.'" True enough, I can never say again, "I did not know," but equally true I can (& do!) say, "I wish I didn't know." Not a day goes by that I don't wish I was back in Indiana with no knowledge of Cambodia. Not one day. But, I do know. And now, you know too. Please, keep praying.

School

I was invited to the parent-teacher conference at one of the schools some of my sibs attend. I was honored, the sibs were thrilled, & the teachers were, to my surprise, intimidated. I was quite shocked by the timidity of the teachers actually.

You should know that the teaching profession is just about the highest occupation one can hold here. Everyone with a teaching degree is given great respect & special honor. Of all the introductions I have received, only teachers have been presented as, "This is Mr. So-&-So. He's a teacher." Everyone else is simply introduced by name. It's a big deal.

I was taken aback when my sibs' teachers bowed low to me & didn't look me in the eye. I thought the first teacher I met was just shy. I tried to keep my head lower than his as we spoke, but he kept bending too, so by the time our conversation was finished our heads were nearly to our knees. Hahahahahaha! I soon discovered all the teachers were reluctant to speak freely. I spent nearly half my time assuring the teachers I wanted to know all the news, even the bad news.

I found out that they were trying to please me so because I'm very powerful & very wealthy. That is to say, I'm a white chick whose sibs' tuition fees make up about 1/3 of the school's budget. Hahahahaha! We've since become pretty friendly. The assistant principle phones me when there's trouble, most teachers look me in the face now & the guy who nearly had my head in my lap got the guts to tell me one of the brothers was misbehaving in class. I also visit the school regularly now.

I knew that the Cambodian education system is far behind every other industrialized country, but I didn't realize how far behind until I visited classes. Good grief! It's going to take Cambo a good while to get back up to speed. See, the Khmer Rouge killed teachers, grads, & university & highschool students. In fact, they killed people who wore glasses too thinking that a sign of intelligence. The goal was to limit the population to a docile, uneducated labor force &, sadly, they pretty much succeeded. This explains not only why the schools are so far behind (university grads compare to American 7th graders), but also why teaching is such a highly regarded profession. Not quite as high as being a rich, white chick, but we're headed in that direction, praise the Lord!

Oh PS, my darling brother David earned the highest country exam (think SAT's) score in all of Phnom Penh. He aced the thing in every area of testing. Yeah, I'm bustin' buttons. (big honkin' smile)

3/18/11

THANK GOD!
~My health remains pretty good despite unhealthy conditions!
~Meaningful relationships are being deepened!
~Every sib has sufficient clothing & hygiene items!
~Ruth is recovering well!

ASK GOD
~Please, never forget those precious souls who are caught up in stealing
~Increased volunteers & financial donors for charitable organizations
~Inner strength for me
~Time & skill in making a video for you alll

Birthday surprises

This year's birthday, my 45th by the way, included more surprises than any previous year. First of all, I was a little surprised that Jesus would have me back in Cambodia at this time. Secondly, I was more than a little surprised anyone outside of the U.S. would take notice. Thirdly, I was totally got by the generosity of people whom I know have nothing materially to give. I know they have nothing because all they have comes thru me.

I was terribly excited to celebrate my birthday by surprising my sibs & the housemoms with little gifts. I told Wee the lead housemom at the girls' house of my plan to bring gifts that afternoon so she could be prepared for the happy chaos that was certain to follow my arrival. I made sure to tell her it was to be a surprise & made sure she understood perfectly what "surprise" means & entails (eg don't tell the children). As trustworthy & true as Wee has proved to be, she blew it....sorta'.

Wee not only told my sibs at the girls' house, but she told the other housemoms as well. I was greeted with an adorably pathetic rendition of The Birthday Song (Happy Birthday is not as international as Americans imagine) & thoughtful gifts. Lovely colored pencil drawings, beautiful oragami flowers & hearts & homemade cards with precious blessings written inside were from the children. The housemoms gave me homemade birthday blessing cards & even pinched from their meager salaries to buy me gifts! In a culture where people stop crying by the time they're 3 or 4 years old, it was hard for the children to understand "happy tears." They finally chalked it up to Bong Bkey's strangely tender heart. Hahahahahaha!

Wee did not tell the children that I was bringing gifts tho', so the surprise was not totally lost. Altho' all the small treats were thoroughly appreciated & enjoyed, the best far & away was the lovely brown dolls my dear friend Diana Hester purchased for me to give the little girls (An impossible feat in Cambodia & a nearly impossible feat even in the States!). EVERYONE-littles, middles, olders, girls, boys, housemoms-were utterly amazed to see brown-skinned dolls for the first time in their lives. On TV, on billboards & in ads as well as in real life little girls are seen playing with geisha-white, blonde-haired, blue-eyed dolls. (Thanks a million times a million, Di!!!)

Several days later I received a goodie box from my husband Dave. I knew it was coming, but was surprised to discover it contained WONDERFUL birthday cards & gifts from loving friends. I was on the way back from the post office, anxious to get to the house to open it up, when the moto I was riding started having brake trouble. We pulled into a service station....well, it's kind of a service station, but the description & explanation is a whole 'nother entry. Aaaaanyway, we stopped for repair. I was too excited to wait any longer, so opened the box there. As usual, a small crowd gathered. Hahahahaha! Again, Dara my friend the moto driver had to try to explain happy tears & ended up telling them I have a strange heart. Hahahaha!

The final surprise was just the other evening & it was the biggest, bestest birthday surprise EH-ver. Because the boys are moving to a new place, only the big boys were home at the boys' house that night. They'd worked very, very hard that day to make the move, so I treated them to Lucky Burgers for supper (Well, also because their housemom had taken all the food & the stove to the new place. Hahaha!). After enjoying the HUGE treat of fast food, a few ran off with Dara saying they were going to get dessert. I was in a panic & more than half angry because they were not supposed to leave the house & they were certainly not to disobey me when I told them they couldn't go. So, there I sat with a housemom who speaks no english & a few brothers who refused to tell me what was really going on trying to figure out how I could explain the situation to Ruth.

Dara & the boys returned with a birthday cake & all the trimmings for a real birthday party. They had this planned for days & pitched in their money to make it happen. After a few more happy tears & lots of hugs & kisses I blew out the candles making a wish. Then, it snowed! The boys pulled out cans of refreshingly chilly faux snow & covered me & the entire scene with it. Next came the sparkler-waving & another precious, pathetic shot at The Birthday Song. (God, bless them for trying...loudly & without any shame whatsoever!) We ate & drank & danced & hugged & kissed the night away.

One housemom, a new lady from the countryside named Narette, stayed the night with the big boys. She got to experience her first birthday party. She wasn't sure what was going on when the boys started the party (aka "make happy, happy") , but eventually joined in when the time came to dot my face with frosting & feed me cake. No, I have no idea what that's about other than whoever gets a cake gets to wear one portion & gets fed another portion as a sign of "big love" & everyone's happy about it. Hahahahaha! I did ask, but I got the standard answer: "In Cambodia, like that."

What a great birthday this has been! Whoda' guessed in Cambodia like that? That in itself is a surprise.

We've Got Class

We've been able to restart preschool courses again! The littles L-O-V-E coming to the team house, the place I live, to play & learn. Here they learn some english & typical preschool stuff like letters, numbers, colors, etc. They are also given opportunity to develop social skills such as cooperation, taking turns, sharing & classroom etiquette to prepare them for public school. Pictured here are the littles who attend preschool, my special assistant (more on her in another entry) & Wee, a housemom.

If not for Love In Action-Cambodia these children would most likely spend their days in rice paddies as forced labor, begging & stealing on the streets of Phnom Penh either for themselves or an adult, or locked up in the rooms of kiddie-brothels. They are with us because their parents could not feed them but refused to sell them, because they were orphaned, or because they were abandoned.

It's quite common to see little ones sleeping in alleys, eating from trash bags & begging tourists. They often fall prey to adults in human trafficking & sex slavery & to perverted tourists. The going rate to purchase children is USD $20-100. To "rent" a child 3-8 years old generally costs $8 per day, $5 per day if you have your own room.

Even those living with their families are in danger of kidnapping & rape. There's not much to deter those perverts either. The penalty for raping a child is generally USD $100-200 "restitution" paid to the child's parents. Rapists who cannot afford the fine simply murder their victims after raping them so no charges can be brought against them. In many of the villages outside city limits parents prostitute their children to other villagers. One father bragged that his 12 year-old daughter could make upwards of $10 per week for the family.

Many parents put their children to work as early as 4 or 5 years old. Some sell books, postcards, site seeing maps, braided or beaded bracelets, or pirate DVDs in the tourist-y section of Phnom Penh. Some are trash pickers. Some beg or steal, or beg to create an opportunity to steal. I've met more than one child under 10 years old who are regularly abused (cigarette burns, black eyes, broken bones, etc.) by parents for not bringing in sufficient profit. I've also met a few children who've been kicked out of their homes because they cannot make satisfactory profit for their parents.

In our western world the option for preschool is a given even for the poorest of children, but we have to remember that "our world" is not the world.

2/14/11

Thanks to a couple of generous donors I was able to bring some nice embroidery floss for the older girls to make some bracelets. I will be mailing or bringing the bracelets to the States to sell & the money will be donated to missionaries in Kyrgyzstan. How cool is that?

It's important that the children realize their world is not the world. Know what I mean? It's easy to get wrapped in the details of daily living & lose sight of the fact that there are people living & dying elsewhere. It's easy to get caught in personal needs & desires & neglect the needs of others. It's easy to get trapped in a me-centered lifestyle & totally miss out on a full life, real life.

Yes, they're poor orphans who have a hard way to go, but, hey, we all have challenges to overcome. Too much focus on self produces blindness. Like Kieth Green used to sing, "It's so hard to see when my eyes are on me." Yeah? We can only keep a proper perspective of our own lives as we keep the lives of others in view as well.

I am tickled pink to report that the girls are very interested in what's going on in Kyrgyzstan & what my friends, Jed & Renee Gourley, are doing there. They are thrilled to know that they are participating in the work. I, too, am thrilled.

Special Notes

2/14/11

PRAYER REQUESTS
~Please keep praying for those dear-to-Jesus souls who snatched my stuff last time I was here. You are most likely the only person praying for them today!

~The border battle is increasing in violence. Please pray for true peace to come to that area & for the mediation meetings with the UN.

~I need a boost as I am more homesick (especially for husband Dave) than I've ever been & it's a drain on my enthusiasm for the work.