Incoming

I thought I'd escaped the re-entry depression that's typical for incoming missionaries. I thought my atypical return was a sidestep around it. Nope. There I was in a christian bookstore the week before CHRISTmas & blam-o! I was overwhelmed by the contrast between the life I know in the United States of America & the life I know in the Kingdom of Cambodia. It was bound to come, I suppose. That's why we call it "typical," eh? I'm thankful to God for the delay tho'.
Now that my husband Dave is out of the hospital & well on his way to full recovery I am better able to cope with the depression & to give time to finding useful meaning & hopeful motivation in it. So, I pray & I ponder & I pout a little.

It is not at all unusual for incoming missionaries to wrestle with feelings of guilt & frustration over the abundance we have at our disposal at home, the abundance we take for granted, the abundance we demand, the abundance we waste. We measure our leisure spending such as eating out, going bowling or renting a movie in terms of needs that could be met in poverty-stricken areas we've visited. When I bought a package of socks for myself, I didn't reckon the price as $6, but as 12 kilos of rice. It's also not unusual, especially for short-term missionaries like myself, to make vows we will not keep after returning from an impoverished area. For instance, every missionary I've had contact with here in the States (maybe a dozen) has mentioned feeling guilty for having so much food available & many have vowed to never waste food again....but we do.

With these & similar thoughts bombarding our souls, it can be a challenge to socialize in the usual manner. It is difficult to muster genuine sympathy for a friend who gripes about having to go to three stores to find the game her child wants for CHRISTmas while remembering the infant who perished because his mama was too malnourished to produce enough milk to sustain him. It is hard to hear a friend explain that he simply cannot afford to donate to charities while he's paying $6 for a cup of coffee & a doughnut. Harder still, to fully enjoy the $6 cup of coffee & doughnut purchased by & for the missionary. (Combined, that's enough to feed 25 villagers, by the way.) And, on a personal note, I've had a change of heart about immigrants & aliens learning to speak english if they intend to live here in the U.S. Yeah, they should AND we should make it as easy as possible. Having lived in a foreign country, I promise you that every foreigner here wishes s/he could speak english at least as much as you wish they could.

These thoughts & comparisons & evaluations have to be prayerfully pondered & biblically balanced. It's very important to make an immediate move on the conclusions we come to too. The longer we put off action, the easier it becomes to put off action. Whether we try to gain from it or not, the depression fades & the frustration is forgotten. Before long, we're griping about minor inconveniences endured for trivial things & wasting resources (aka gifts from God) even as we commisserate about not having enough. The whole experience beomes little more than interesting stories to tell at parties.

So, I pray & I ponder & I pout a little. And I plan what to pack for the next trip. I have a plane ticket to Phnom Penh for 2 February.

12/22/10
Praise God for...
~partners who support this little branch by making themselves God's supply lines in prayer, encouragement, advice & finance.
~freedom to travel easily into & out of the United States.
~protecting us from the enemy.
~those little comforts we most often take for granted (eg. hot tap water, garbage pick-up, that magical box on the wall that allows me to make the whole house as warm or as cool as I please).
~the refreshment of soul I've received while here in the States.

Petition God for...
~the salvation of those guys who nabbed my bag & swiped my ID. Christ died for them. Surely they are worth our diligent prayer.
~His wisdom as we make travel plans for myself, for Dave & for others who will go to Cambodia in 2011.
~workers who will go & workers who will support those who go.
~opportunities to speak publicly for the sake of local & foreign missions.

A great big thank you to:
~Those who prayed, sent cards & notes, visited, & fed us body & soul while Dave was hospitalized!
~Whomever deposited $100 in the Cambo account. May the blessing return to you multiplied!
~Diana Hester who went on a quest for brown babydolls & purchased every one she found! (A search in Cambodia produced only frustration.)
~The Turner Family for unfailing loyalty to God.